Jesus take the wheel

I’ve been blessed today to be able to accompany my son to his Jr. Beta convention.

Watching the talent segment a young lady began to sing “Jesus Take The Wheel” by Carrie Underwood.

My son knows me well. He knew I would be in tears. He was sitting with his friends and looked up at me with deep concern in his gray eyes. I nodded and took a deep breath. Praying to hold it together in the gym full of BETA members and chaperones.

The lyrics touched me……
Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can’t do this on my own
I’m letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I’m on
Jesus take the wheel

The song was over. I took a deep breathe. I smelled thieves and Joy essential oils from my diffuser necklace.

Next, 2 young ladies walked up. The music started and within 2 notes my son looked up at me once again. This time he said, “Mom, don’t do it.” He KNEW I was about to lose it. One of the girls began “I heard there was a secret chord- that David played and it pleased the Lord…”

Oh no….hold it together, take a deep breathe., get out of here, don’t listen, look at facebook. Do SOMETHING! Anything to keep from losing it.- went through my head all at once.

On a good day I can’t listen to “Hallelujah” without crying. I can’t listen to kids sing without crying and I certainly cannot when I’m on the brink of tears every second of every day since my dads diagnosis.

I picked up my diffuser necklace and inhaled deeply and tears ran down my face. No one paid attention.

Next up, group talent. A group of three walked up and the young MC announced they were dancing to “Bulletproof” in honor of those effected by cancer.

What the —–? What is this? Why?!!!!!

I wanted a day with my son, to forget about life’s troubles. I wanted to enjoy him and his innocence and sweetness.

“Jesus take the wheel”, I said inside my head.

We got through the day. We had a blast. Pushing through the emotions to make it about what it was supposed to be. A mom and son day. That is exactly what it was and I will never forget it. I even embarrassed him by dancing to the “Cupid Shuffle” with his friends.

When you are dealing with a loved one diagnosed with stage 4 cancer it/ they NEVER leave your mind. (Atleast that is the case for me.) It’s almost like when you have kids and they never leave your mind. Everything reminds you of them.

I see gray- brain cancer comes to mind. I see a man with white hair- I think of my dad. A motorcycle drives by- my dad. My youngest wants to play with his tool set- my dad. Bud light- my dad. My house- my dad. One of the kids needs something and it’s not the best time for me- I think – if I could only have a few minutes with my dad. I give them a few more hugs and a few more kisses, always remembering what is most important. Our connection. Our love.

Today my phone rang. The name on the screen read “DAD”! I was so excited to answer the phone. My dad was calling me. Sitting in his hospital room and he thought to call me! I used to talk to him every day. I shared everything with him. We talked about everything. He would give me his opinion. He would show support. We shared so much of our lives. If something happened good or bad he was the person I talked to after my husband. That came to a screeching halt and I miss it more than imaginable.

I knew he would not sound great. I imagined he would sound tired and his speech would be weak again. When I heard his voice I had to fight back the tears. Hearing his voice was awesome. He is alive and we are talking! Hallelujah! He sounded weak, slurred. Heavy tongued is how I describe it. He was worse than at Christmas time. He asked if I knew about his seizures. We talked about his muscle strength. He said he loved me and wanted to talk to Handsome Hubby.

I hung up the phone In tears and have not recuperated.

A few days ago a friend told me she hoped I had someone to lean on right now. Someone to vent to. I simply replied “Thank you.” What else could I say?

I have my husband who is almost as emotionally vested in this as I am. My other ROCK is lying in his hospital room and needs me to be his rock.

JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL!

Advertisements

Soul Mates

Today I read a post by faithit.com on Facebook that inspired me to click through to see the whole story. The post read something along the lines of- They made it even though others said they wouldn’t.

Here where my brain shoots off into several directions:

My marriage is perfectly imperfect. My husband and I are without a doubt soul mates. Sure, some people get sick of hearing others say they are married to their soul mate. I make no apologies for saying it. It’s true. God placed us together. Those that know our story understand.

Earlier this morning after dropping 2 kids off at school I heard something on the radio that made me sad. A wife was in a funk in her marriage. She didn’t want to wake up next to her husband any longer. The smallest things he did annoyed her. She, in essence, couldn’t stand to look at him at this point in their marriage but she loved him. She wanted to know what to do. The advice as simple. — stay, it’s just a phase. You will get through it and try to do things to bring that spark back.

Handsome Hubby and I, as I said, have a perfectly imperfect marriage. We definitely get aggravated with one another and have little quarrels. But I have never ever ever not wanted to wake up next to him or see him. As far as I know he feels the same way??

My families rule when as a child was that no one could go to bed angry. I’m sure you’re familiar with the rule as most families use it or say they do. My philosophy with Handsome Hubby is quite different. We can be upset or angry but we have to hold one another as we do every night, even though we are angry, hurt, upset, etc. We have held on just as tight, if not tighter on those very rare occasions.

The beginning of our courtship and marriage was very stressful. Many outside factors created the stress. One of our most stressful times was called to mind when I saw the faithit.com post. click here

While watching the video I couldn’t help but go back to a time in the “honeymoon” period of our marriage. Handsome Hubby was diagnosed with trigeminal neuralgia. He is actually writing his second book about this right now- Jesus Held Me.

He was incapable of taking care of himself for months. I thought it was going to be that way for the rest of his life. He could not care for himself, carry a conversation, have light, noise or smells around him. He, by the grace of God was not brain damaged. His trigeminal neuralgia, also known as “the suicide disease”, was miraculously healed by an ENT. Pregnant and madly in love with my soul mate I was prepared for “the worst” and did my human part to make sure that didn’t happen. I never left his side, I researched the horrific debilitating disease and had absolute faith he would be healed. Coming to an understanding that the spouse I married was no longer the same worldly person was not difficult because our souls were forever connected. I told myself that no one could care for him as I would and for that reason I understood why Jesus brought us together, all the while having faith in his healing.

Handsome Hubby was held by Jesus and has a faith stronger than anyone I know. Our faith in Jesus never felt tested during this time. We grew stronger. Handsome Hubby has told me a during other very stressful times I have more absolute, blind faith than him. I know Jesus has carried me through times but I have not physically felt him hold me as my husband. I will never forget the moment he almost left me for Jesus and I told him “NO!”

I cannot say I will never feel like the woman did on the radio today. Never say never. However I seriously doubt it. In fact, just a few days ago we were at home. He was walking in the house from checking on the boat and my heart jumped. He literally takes my breath away and I can’t believe he’s all mine!

Given he tells me that I am beautiful everyday I guess I still have the same effect on him….

We are blessed more than words!

In closing, I fully understand this beautiful couples love. Although it might look as if she has given up a lot to take care of him, make no mistake she would not be complete without him. He too has sacrificed for her. He will never be the husband he dreamt of being. They are souls mates and it’s a beautiful magnificent gift from God.

God Bless them!

Handsome Hubby has a BLOG!

My husband has heard me yell with excitement upon getting a notification that I have a new blog follower. To me a new follower is like a new friend! There’s excitement in knowing someone actually chooses to see your posts as they scroll through their feed or their emails.

Handsome Hubby has always been supportive of my excitement and cheered along with me. But today he was able to say those words to me! He didn’t say it once or twice. He told me 4 times that he had a new follower!

I created his page for him yesterday. He blogged for the first time today. Click here to read his posts! Please follow him too! I love seeing his beautiful brown eyes light up and hearing him say “I have a new follower” in his deep southern voice.

Live Braver!

20140111-180911.jpg

The picture above was taken the Mothers Day before my in laws 3rd child was tragically taken to heaven.

Seeing this picture in our hallway on Christmas Eve of this year, my mother in law shared that little bit of information with my husband and I ( he is the first from the left). My mother in law is a woman somewhat “of few words”. She is very private. I will leave her story quite simply with my thought in respect to her— she has LIVED BRAVER. A strong female role model for her children. As mine has been for hers.

When I think of living braver my thoughts and memories immediately, almost selfishly, envelop me. My own personal story of living bravely. I will find a way to share it one day.

But this, this is about my sister in law, Lexlee Overton. The little girl in the picture. What is so complex about human emotions, our human brain, is one persons painful memory is another’s most glorious happiest of memories.

Recently writing a post on perception, the contrast of what my mother in law and sister in law see when they look at this one moment in time strongly stood out to me. But the similarity in the afterthought, if you will, is quite similar. It was the beginning of my mother in law living braver at a whole new level and for my sister in law it was “a reminder of being a young girl who loves openly and freely”, without fear. I’m sure to an extent the same goes for my mother in law when she looks at her precious children in this picture and was BRAVE enough to have 2 more beautiful children.

Stay with me, I do have a point.
My sister in law has created a wonderful website where we can share stories, find resources and support one another to help us Live Braver. Pleaseclick here to connect to the site.

Below I attached a small excerpt from livebraver.com.

I hope you visit the site.
Share your story!
Live Braver!

excerpt from livebraver.com
Live Braver is a resource for those seeking to step beyond the confines of fear, for those seeking a more inspiring, fulfilling, and rewarding life.

The ultimate goal: to help and to support each other in finding the courage to take steps towards a life we love.

What to expect: a community filled with people like you, who want to share their stories and to inspire others to bravely embrace their life purpose.

Be inspired

Be empowered

Be IN LOVE with your life

LIVE BRAVER.

Are you ready to Live Braver?
Live Braver is a resource for those seeking to step beyond the confines of fear, for those seeking a more inspiring, fulfilling, and rewarding life.

The ultimate goal: to help and to support each other in finding the courage to take steps towards a life we love.

What to expect: a community filled with people like you, who want to share their stories and to inspire others to bravely embrace their life purpose.

Be inspired

Be empowered

Be IN LOVE with your life

LIVE BRAVER.

Are you ready to Live Braver?

Love like it’s their last day

Lately it seems that I cannot adequately write what I’m thinking in my mind. My thoughts are thought provoking and full of wisdom. On paper it’s blah blah wa wa…

This post is important to me. I have a point, I want to make it and this will be my third attempt at doing so.

My previous post was about selfless marriage. We should not get married so that someone else can make us happy. We should get married to spend our days making our spouse happy. Selfless love. Give of yourself without any expectations.

This led me to explore more deeply some small things I complain about and why. I was not happy with myself after my introspection. However, I’m pleased to have had such an eye opening experience. My first post on this blog was about taking time for yourself. Ideas for mommy’s to help make their needs get met. I’m here to tell you I was wrong.

In one year will it matter if you got to take a bath by yourself? Probably not

In one year will it matter if you didn’t get to the hair dresser every 6 weeks — I haven’t been in 2 years. I’ve been cutting my own and dying it. I say it doesn’t matter

In one year do you think that you could have played trains a few more minutes instead of _______? Probably so.

Well you get where I’m going with this. I have a laundry list of things I used to complain about and probably will continue to. Only now when I complain I have the tools necessary to snap out of my negative zone quicker.

We all can complain about huge problems. I’m talking about the little daily things that we deal with as moms. The “Calgon take me away” moments. Not the bills, someone’s health, job worries. I’m talking about not getting to take a bath alone ever! Never walking out of your house without an army of kids in tow. Not going to get your hair done because you don’t leave your kids with anyone and don’t want to spend the money, yet you still complain. I’m talking about working your booty off literally. Losing 75 pounds and not buying new clothes. Wearing 10 year old clothes and too big clothes. Little daily issues— we all have them. Mine are different than yours but we all can relate.

What if we looked at our loved ones in a different light? What if we looked at them each day like it was their last? Would we treat them better? Whose to say it’s not their or our last day? Will one more bath with mommy really hurt? No! Do I really need to go to the store alone? No! Does it really matter that I cut my hair and dye it even though I have no experience? No- I get compliments. The money we save goes towards our family! Does it really matter that I had to dig clothes out from 10 years ago to wear? No! Who gets to do that?

So now when I have a moment of impatience I ask myself how I would treat this situation a year from now and most importantly I love my family like it is their last day.

What if we all did that? Love like it was everyone’s last day. I can feel the love and positivity just thinking about it.

What do you think?

Divine Intervention

http://www.marianne.com
Marianne Williamson, author of The Law of Divine Compensation, A Return to Love, as well as 8 other books is one of the greatest spiritual leaders, authors and lecturers of our time.

If you have not had the pleasure of reading her books, please do! They are life changing.

This Thoughtful Thursday I wanted to get back to the roots of the blog. Writing about losing 70 plus pounds as well as the power of ABSOLUTE FAITH were my ultimate motivators for beginning my writing.

I first heard of Marianne Williamson watching Oprah in 1992 at a time in my life when I needed to the most. Rarely watching tv then, as I still do now I considered it divine intervention that I saw her show. The book being promoted was “A Return to Love”. I cherish this book.

Years have gone by. Marianne luckily continued to write. Never knowing anything about the other books until a few weeks ago I saw her name attached to a book titled “The Law of Divine Compensation”. Again Divine intervention!! We need it! Who doesn’t?

Without saying anymore, because I feel it speaks to everyone for what they need to hear, I beg you to order it, buy it— go get it now! It isn’t just about money!

Starting with a simple Facebook advertisement for THE MAP by Boni Lonnsburry, to the book I wanted to read for over a year and finally did, Proof of Heaven by Dr. Alexander and now reading Marianne Williamson’s The Law of Divine Compensation, our lives will never be the same.

Every part of every day is a miracle waiting to happen if we let it. Most of us let our ego’s get in the way of this divine intervention. I see it in those around me. They are not true to me or others and not true to their self. It is sad to see. All I can do is wrap their actions up in prayer for them, not let their actions define me and ………

The rest I’m not sure yet– gotta keep reading!

Let me know what you think!!!!

Mommy Monday

If you happen to follow me ( which I totally appreciate!) you can probably tell that some posts are better written than others. ( At least I hope some would
be considered good!) Some literally take me a few days to write because of my method.

My method: write, play with kids, write, clean the toilet, write, maybe go to the grocery and write some more alternating until the post is complete. Then there are typos I notice after the fact and I have to update the post.

Some, are written late in the evening when nothing is stirring not even a mouse. Those are more off the cuff. Not much time is spent re-reading, adjusting content layout, etc. These are sometimes my more “deep” posts.

Mommy Monday—

When the thought of this day came to
me for the blog,ideas were flowing. It seems now I have nothing.

To be honest, it is hard to write about taking care of yourself first when you
don’t do it yourself. I feel like a hypocrite. That’s the last thing I want. Having everyday ideas of how we can take care of ourselves is one thing. Actually doing them another.

I’m not one to spend family time or family money on manicures and pedicures. I received a pedicure as a birthday present- $50. It lasted 2 days. I can’t see getting a pedicure once a week , biweekly or monthly. When I have all the disposable income in the world I can’t see me getting mani/pedis. To each his own.

My Achilles heel? Office supplies, organizational supplies. Give me unlimited funds, I will most likely buy every container, folder, different colored paper, label machine, file cabinet and folders I can get my hands on. A cricket machine? Dream!!! Laminating machine? Yes! PLEASE!

So my point is we are all different. What works for you to make you feel good and whole might not work for someone else. What is important is we figure out what we enjoy that we can do everyday.

Here’s my list:
1. Write either the blog or on my book
2. Organize a section of the house. It might be 1 drawer but its something.
3. Take a bath BY MYSELF, if possible. They are usually taken with my 3 year old in the back living it up and honestly me too. These days are short lived!
4. My bed has to be made as soon as handsome hubby and I are up.
5. Spend as much alone time as possible with each child and handsome hubby. Sometimes, it’s 5 minutes! But I do make an effort and they know it.
6. Last but not least, I need to read something uplifting, motivating, enriching, thoughtful.

Simple.

What’s yours? What do you NEED every day??

20130812-173536.jpg