Jesus take the wheel

I’ve been blessed today to be able to accompany my son to his Jr. Beta convention.

Watching the talent segment a young lady began to sing “Jesus Take The Wheel” by Carrie Underwood.

My son knows me well. He knew I would be in tears. He was sitting with his friends and looked up at me with deep concern in his gray eyes. I nodded and took a deep breath. Praying to hold it together in the gym full of BETA members and chaperones.

The lyrics touched me……
Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can’t do this on my own
I’m letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I’m on
Jesus take the wheel

The song was over. I took a deep breathe. I smelled thieves and Joy essential oils from my diffuser necklace.

Next, 2 young ladies walked up. The music started and within 2 notes my son looked up at me once again. This time he said, “Mom, don’t do it.” He KNEW I was about to lose it. One of the girls began “I heard there was a secret chord- that David played and it pleased the Lord…”

Oh no….hold it together, take a deep breathe., get out of here, don’t listen, look at facebook. Do SOMETHING! Anything to keep from losing it.- went through my head all at once.

On a good day I can’t listen to “Hallelujah” without crying. I can’t listen to kids sing without crying and I certainly cannot when I’m on the brink of tears every second of every day since my dads diagnosis.

I picked up my diffuser necklace and inhaled deeply and tears ran down my face. No one paid attention.

Next up, group talent. A group of three walked up and the young MC announced they were dancing to “Bulletproof” in honor of those effected by cancer.

What the —–? What is this? Why?!!!!!

I wanted a day with my son, to forget about life’s troubles. I wanted to enjoy him and his innocence and sweetness.

“Jesus take the wheel”, I said inside my head.

We got through the day. We had a blast. Pushing through the emotions to make it about what it was supposed to be. A mom and son day. That is exactly what it was and I will never forget it. I even embarrassed him by dancing to the “Cupid Shuffle” with his friends.

When you are dealing with a loved one diagnosed with stage 4 cancer it/ they NEVER leave your mind. (Atleast that is the case for me.) It’s almost like when you have kids and they never leave your mind. Everything reminds you of them.

I see gray- brain cancer comes to mind. I see a man with white hair- I think of my dad. A motorcycle drives by- my dad. My youngest wants to play with his tool set- my dad. Bud light- my dad. My house- my dad. One of the kids needs something and it’s not the best time for me- I think – if I could only have a few minutes with my dad. I give them a few more hugs and a few more kisses, always remembering what is most important. Our connection. Our love.

Today my phone rang. The name on the screen read “DAD”! I was so excited to answer the phone. My dad was calling me. Sitting in his hospital room and he thought to call me! I used to talk to him every day. I shared everything with him. We talked about everything. He would give me his opinion. He would show support. We shared so much of our lives. If something happened good or bad he was the person I talked to after my husband. That came to a screeching halt and I miss it more than imaginable.

I knew he would not sound great. I imagined he would sound tired and his speech would be weak again. When I heard his voice I had to fight back the tears. Hearing his voice was awesome. He is alive and we are talking! Hallelujah! He sounded weak, slurred. Heavy tongued is how I describe it. He was worse than at Christmas time. He asked if I knew about his seizures. We talked about his muscle strength. He said he loved me and wanted to talk to Handsome Hubby.

I hung up the phone In tears and have not recuperated.

A few days ago a friend told me she hoped I had someone to lean on right now. Someone to vent to. I simply replied “Thank you.” What else could I say?

I have my husband who is almost as emotionally vested in this as I am. My other ROCK is lying in his hospital room and needs me to be his rock.

JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL!

Diffuser Necklaces

Look what I started making so we can have longer lasting benefits of using essential oils!

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They are made of clay and retain the therapeutic effects for hours. One drop on the back and one on the front is all you need!

I have around 15 styles and 20 colors available now and more coming soon!

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They are completely customizable. Pick your style and color!

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Because they are each handmade, by yours truly, they are definitely one of a kind.

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Boys and girls. Adults and children. There is a necklace for everyone just like there is an oil for just about anything!

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With winter coming and threats of horrible viruses I am loading ours up with Thieves…..

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I cannot wait to make you your own! Visit me on Etsy NOW Boutique and Ebay

For more information on oils please visit my website @ Young Living

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He said I wrote like a PRO!

Ahh…. summertime!

For us, summer translates to boat time.

I guess you could say we have two seasons here: boating and hunting.

We work as a family all week to take care of chores and maintenance around the camp so that when the weekend comes we can BOAT!

With 4 school age children at home we have daily chores, weekly chores and school work that must be completed.

Summer bridge work is very important to us here. Not the kids, the parents.

This summer it seems Handsome Hubby and I have some extra work too! Writing books! Meeting our own deadlines!

Handsome Hubby’s author page is linked here

His second book “Jesus Held Me” is a wonderful story of a terrible time in our lives.

“Prophecy of Honor”, his first book is close to becoming a “best seller” on Amazon.

He is rewriting it to add some character depth as I type this!

My second book

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will be released soon! Like real soon!

Look for the first, which I must say is not my best writing but is a story of triumph over struggles with weight. I consider it a “must read”. Don’t judge the second book based on the first.

When Handsome Hubby read the second he told me he thought a professional wrote it! His comment for the first was “get it published, it’s a great story”. Both compliments! I like being a PRO THO!

You can link to that here.

My third book will be fiction and I am scared to say the least! I may have to write under a pen name? We will see!

Being Brave Anonymously

My sister in law asked me in December to write a piece for her new blog Live Braver.

She asked me to write about my weight loss journey, how I have inspired others and about my success despite the obstacles I have been presented with.

To be honest I have sat down many times to write about my weight loss. I can’t. My weight loss did not require bravery. It required discipline.

I have gone through difficult, horrible times in my life that did require bravery but writing about them puts my family in an awkward position.
For that reason I will not write about those things.

I would like to post something anonymously but something tells me that isn’t too brave. Hiding behind words on a computer screen while telling someone they too can overcome horrible situations isn’t brave, is it? Putting a name to a story shouldn’t matter. The story is what matters, right?

I cannot be SAD

Try as I might I cannot be sad. You read correctly. I cannot be sad.

For years of my life I’ve been sad. Even when I have been happy, I’ve been sad. Some of us live happy with moments of sadness. I lived sad with moments of happiness.

I’ve sat here for the past week attempting to write. Four drafts await completion as I type this. They will not be completed.

I should have known what was going on when I decided to create a Happy page on Facebook. Me? HAPPY? Creating it as a “challenge” I told myself I was trying to grow, not be negative, bring positivity to my life. Little did I know, I already had!

Blogging is cheaper than therapy and cheaper than my degree in Psychology.

Writing this past year has helped me heal. I’m not a quitter but I think I’ll give up trying to be sad!

The message is the story

To Live Braver is a relative term. Living braver for one is not the same for another. Also, the act of Living Brave changes as our lives evolve. What does it mean to Live Brave? According to their site it is …….

Live Braveris a resource for those seeking to step beyond the confines of fear, for those seeking a more inspiring, fulfilling, and rewarding life.

The ultimate goal: to help and to support each other in finding the courage to take steps towards a life we love.

Some of us feel as we have “come out of the womb” fighting. Some of us don’t feel we are challenged until later in life. Either way, one day, we all need to Live Braver. Should Live Braver. Step out of the confines of FEAR. Fear of acceptance, being loved, not being loved, failing, succeeding, plain ole fear. How we do this, in my eyes, defines us.

Accepting the overwhelming sensation when fear envelops your heart and mind so that it does not change your soul is quite the obstacle.

Our brains have been trained from the womb on how to handle situations Our id, ego and super-ego are in constant control.
Fight or flight? Keep calm or lose it? Cuss someone or don’t say a word? Study or decide defeat? Accept love or push someone away? Sadly humans feel from a place of fear before love. All actions almost always require fear based responses until you decide to think otherwise. It is a choice. An ego based decision.

For example, my husband doesn’t always say things the way I would like to hear them. Recently losing 80 pounds, I was getting ready for my brothers wedding a week ago. Complaining about my arms I wanted to change dresses. My husbands response was “If you think they look fat now what do you think they looked like before you lost 80 pounds?” I looked at him and said “much fatter.” If you knew me you would know I’m the most insecure person you will ever meet. You would expect me to cry, sulk and change dresses. What I have learned to accept with love ( rather than fear losing him) most recently is that my husband loves me unconditionally. He was not coming from a mean place. He is blunt, as I am. He said what he was thinking, which I respect more than fluff. It was an honest comment not meant maliciously but from LOVE. He was saying “You lost 80 pounds!!!!”

In recent months I’ve worked hard to train my brain to first come from a place of LOVE. I have had to let go of those in my life that do not. Those that lie, are two faced and didn’t value me as I did them. In turn, I have made room for more LOVE with existing relationships. This, to me, is how I chose to Live Brave now.

A year ago, to Live Brave was to act as Pro Se in court. When I was 12, to Live Brave was to embrace my new life with my step dad and new siblings. To Live Brave changes as you evolve.

Someone once said to me “It’s not the story. It’s the message.” That’s a hard pill for me to swallow. As a writer, not professional by any means but a writer solely as an outlet, the message IS the story. My story. Your story. We all have stories. We should not be ashamed of our stories or hold back from telling them out of fear. We are who we are based on OUR STORY. If there is discomfort in hearing someone’s truth, honestly, mine isn’t easy to tell or to hear, I feel you should look within. They have spent their life living this story that may or may not be easy for them to tell. Who are we to stop them because we are uncomfortable hearing it? Who are we to say “uh, can you just stick to the message? I’ll get more from that. To Live Braver that day might be to tell their story. To accept their harsh past. To share that reality with you. To bare their soul. Think about it…….

Live Braver!

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The picture above was taken the Mothers Day before my in laws 3rd child was tragically taken to heaven.

Seeing this picture in our hallway on Christmas Eve of this year, my mother in law shared that little bit of information with my husband and I ( he is the first from the left). My mother in law is a woman somewhat “of few words”. She is very private. I will leave her story quite simply with my thought in respect to her— she has LIVED BRAVER. A strong female role model for her children. As mine has been for hers.

When I think of living braver my thoughts and memories immediately, almost selfishly, envelop me. My own personal story of living bravely. I will find a way to share it one day.

But this, this is about my sister in law, Lexlee Overton. The little girl in the picture. What is so complex about human emotions, our human brain, is one persons painful memory is another’s most glorious happiest of memories.

Recently writing a post on perception, the contrast of what my mother in law and sister in law see when they look at this one moment in time strongly stood out to me. But the similarity in the afterthought, if you will, is quite similar. It was the beginning of my mother in law living braver at a whole new level and for my sister in law it was “a reminder of being a young girl who loves openly and freely”, without fear. I’m sure to an extent the same goes for my mother in law when she looks at her precious children in this picture and was BRAVE enough to have 2 more beautiful children.

Stay with me, I do have a point.
My sister in law has created a wonderful website where we can share stories, find resources and support one another to help us Live Braver. Pleaseclick here to connect to the site.

Below I attached a small excerpt from livebraver.com.

I hope you visit the site.
Share your story!
Live Braver!

excerpt from livebraver.com
Live Braver is a resource for those seeking to step beyond the confines of fear, for those seeking a more inspiring, fulfilling, and rewarding life.

The ultimate goal: to help and to support each other in finding the courage to take steps towards a life we love.

What to expect: a community filled with people like you, who want to share their stories and to inspire others to bravely embrace their life purpose.

Be inspired

Be empowered

Be IN LOVE with your life

LIVE BRAVER.

Are you ready to Live Braver?
Live Braver is a resource for those seeking to step beyond the confines of fear, for those seeking a more inspiring, fulfilling, and rewarding life.

The ultimate goal: to help and to support each other in finding the courage to take steps towards a life we love.

What to expect: a community filled with people like you, who want to share their stories and to inspire others to bravely embrace their life purpose.

Be inspired

Be empowered

Be IN LOVE with your life

LIVE BRAVER.

Are you ready to Live Braver?