Jesus take the wheel

I’ve been blessed today to be able to accompany my son to his Jr. Beta convention.

Watching the talent segment a young lady began to sing “Jesus Take The Wheel” by Carrie Underwood.

My son knows me well. He knew I would be in tears. He was sitting with his friends and looked up at me with deep concern in his gray eyes. I nodded and took a deep breath. Praying to hold it together in the gym full of BETA members and chaperones.

The lyrics touched me……
Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can’t do this on my own
I’m letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I’m on
Jesus take the wheel

The song was over. I took a deep breathe. I smelled thieves and Joy essential oils from my diffuser necklace.

Next, 2 young ladies walked up. The music started and within 2 notes my son looked up at me once again. This time he said, “Mom, don’t do it.” He KNEW I was about to lose it. One of the girls began “I heard there was a secret chord- that David played and it pleased the Lord…”

Oh no….hold it together, take a deep breathe., get out of here, don’t listen, look at facebook. Do SOMETHING! Anything to keep from losing it.- went through my head all at once.

On a good day I can’t listen to “Hallelujah” without crying. I can’t listen to kids sing without crying and I certainly cannot when I’m on the brink of tears every second of every day since my dads diagnosis.

I picked up my diffuser necklace and inhaled deeply and tears ran down my face. No one paid attention.

Next up, group talent. A group of three walked up and the young MC announced they were dancing to “Bulletproof” in honor of those effected by cancer.

What the —–? What is this? Why?!!!!!

I wanted a day with my son, to forget about life’s troubles. I wanted to enjoy him and his innocence and sweetness.

“Jesus take the wheel”, I said inside my head.

We got through the day. We had a blast. Pushing through the emotions to make it about what it was supposed to be. A mom and son day. That is exactly what it was and I will never forget it. I even embarrassed him by dancing to the “Cupid Shuffle” with his friends.

When you are dealing with a loved one diagnosed with stage 4 cancer it/ they NEVER leave your mind. (Atleast that is the case for me.) It’s almost like when you have kids and they never leave your mind. Everything reminds you of them.

I see gray- brain cancer comes to mind. I see a man with white hair- I think of my dad. A motorcycle drives by- my dad. My youngest wants to play with his tool set- my dad. Bud light- my dad. My house- my dad. One of the kids needs something and it’s not the best time for me- I think – if I could only have a few minutes with my dad. I give them a few more hugs and a few more kisses, always remembering what is most important. Our connection. Our love.

Today my phone rang. The name on the screen read “DAD”! I was so excited to answer the phone. My dad was calling me. Sitting in his hospital room and he thought to call me! I used to talk to him every day. I shared everything with him. We talked about everything. He would give me his opinion. He would show support. We shared so much of our lives. If something happened good or bad he was the person I talked to after my husband. That came to a screeching halt and I miss it more than imaginable.

I knew he would not sound great. I imagined he would sound tired and his speech would be weak again. When I heard his voice I had to fight back the tears. Hearing his voice was awesome. He is alive and we are talking! Hallelujah! He sounded weak, slurred. Heavy tongued is how I describe it. He was worse than at Christmas time. He asked if I knew about his seizures. We talked about his muscle strength. He said he loved me and wanted to talk to Handsome Hubby.

I hung up the phone In tears and have not recuperated.

A few days ago a friend told me she hoped I had someone to lean on right now. Someone to vent to. I simply replied “Thank you.” What else could I say?

I have my husband who is almost as emotionally vested in this as I am. My other ROCK is lying in his hospital room and needs me to be his rock.

JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL!

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Diffuser Necklaces

Look what I started making so we can have longer lasting benefits of using essential oils!

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They are made of clay and retain the therapeutic effects for hours. One drop on the back and one on the front is all you need!

I have around 15 styles and 20 colors available now and more coming soon!

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With winter coming and threats of horrible viruses I am loading ours up with Thieves…..

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Writing Process

Every time and I do mean every single time I start to write I have a particular goal, idea or thought I would like to share that ends up evolving into something different along the way.

Today I want to write about how excited I am to see Handsome Hubby’s books as well as mine continue to sell. I know through the writing process my intention will evolve into something different. It always does. 

Often I feel I am being led by something stronger than the thoughts in my brain when I write, either for my blogs or in my writing in general. I’m curious? Does this happen to anyone else? Is this true to others writing process?

Handsome Hubby knows exactly what he will type when he sits to write. The words flow with ease and accuracy. For me, the process is like stumbling through deep, dark woods full of roots and plants. I stumble. I have to retrace steps. I cannot see the end until something grabs hold of my hands and takes over. Something envelops my thoughts and takes over. My creative juices flow.

There can be chaos all around or dead silence.Environment does not matter, What matters is my connection with who ever or what ever is guiding me. 

You see, I see orbs. I see 5 different ones as a matter of fact and know who most are. They guide me daily. But when I am writing I rarely see them, I feel something trigger a change in the direction my mind is thinking. I feel when I am on the right track, so to speak. Usually one word triggers that change and I go with it. Let the fingers type and honestly do not pay much attention as to what shows up on the screen or is being thought in my head.

Coo-coo?  Absolutely and it works for me! As I attempt to write my first fiction novel. I feel out of sorts. I am more of a self help kinda girl or TRUE STORY.  Fiction is hard and I am using it to challenge myself. When it is published and it will be, I pray that it speaks to many of you.

In the meantime, I ask that you read Handsome Hubby’s books

Prophecy of Honor

Jesus Held Me

or my books

My Metabolic Miracle

My Metabolic Miracle II- Tips and Recipes for Success

 

Thank you!

 

Please reply with your writing process. I truly am interested!

He said I wrote like a PRO!

Ahh…. summertime!

For us, summer translates to boat time.

I guess you could say we have two seasons here: boating and hunting.

We work as a family all week to take care of chores and maintenance around the camp so that when the weekend comes we can BOAT!

With 4 school age children at home we have daily chores, weekly chores and school work that must be completed.

Summer bridge work is very important to us here. Not the kids, the parents.

This summer it seems Handsome Hubby and I have some extra work too! Writing books! Meeting our own deadlines!

Handsome Hubby’s author page is linked here

His second book “Jesus Held Me” is a wonderful story of a terrible time in our lives.

“Prophecy of Honor”, his first book is close to becoming a “best seller” on Amazon.

He is rewriting it to add some character depth as I type this!

My second book

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will be released soon! Like real soon!

Look for the first, which I must say is not my best writing but is a story of triumph over struggles with weight. I consider it a “must read”. Don’t judge the second book based on the first.

When Handsome Hubby read the second he told me he thought a professional wrote it! His comment for the first was “get it published, it’s a great story”. Both compliments! I like being a PRO THO!

You can link to that here.

My third book will be fiction and I am scared to say the least! I may have to write under a pen name? We will see!

Being Brave Anonymously

My sister in law asked me in December to write a piece for her new blog Live Braver.

She asked me to write about my weight loss journey, how I have inspired others and about my success despite the obstacles I have been presented with.

To be honest I have sat down many times to write about my weight loss. I can’t. My weight loss did not require bravery. It required discipline.

I have gone through difficult, horrible times in my life that did require bravery but writing about them puts my family in an awkward position.
For that reason I will not write about those things.

I would like to post something anonymously but something tells me that isn’t too brave. Hiding behind words on a computer screen while telling someone they too can overcome horrible situations isn’t brave, is it? Putting a name to a story shouldn’t matter. The story is what matters, right?

Prophecy of Honor

Handsome Hubby’s book has gone WORLDWIDE!

snatch up your copy today. click here

Please leave a honest review.
This is a “dip your toes in the water” book. Testing the waters and it has tested well!

Tell us what you think. We really do want to know!

I cannot be SAD

Try as I might I cannot be sad. You read correctly. I cannot be sad.

For years of my life I’ve been sad. Even when I have been happy, I’ve been sad. Some of us live happy with moments of sadness. I lived sad with moments of happiness.

I’ve sat here for the past week attempting to write. Four drafts await completion as I type this. They will not be completed.

I should have known what was going on when I decided to create a Happy page on Facebook. Me? HAPPY? Creating it as a “challenge” I told myself I was trying to grow, not be negative, bring positivity to my life. Little did I know, I already had!

Blogging is cheaper than therapy and cheaper than my degree in Psychology.

Writing this past year has helped me heal. I’m not a quitter but I think I’ll give up trying to be sad!