He said I wrote like a PRO!

Ahh…. summertime!

For us, summer translates to boat time.

I guess you could say we have two seasons here: boating and hunting.

We work as a family all week to take care of chores and maintenance around the camp so that when the weekend comes we can BOAT!

With 4 school age children at home we have daily chores, weekly chores and school work that must be completed.

Summer bridge work is very important to us here. Not the kids, the parents.

This summer it seems Handsome Hubby and I have some extra work too! Writing books! Meeting our own deadlines!

Handsome Hubby’s author page is linked here

His second book “Jesus Held Me” is a wonderful story of a terrible time in our lives.

“Prophecy of Honor”, his first book is close to becoming a “best seller” on Amazon.

He is rewriting it to add some character depth as I type this!

My second book

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will be released soon! Like real soon!

Look for the first, which I must say is not my best writing but is a story of triumph over struggles with weight. I consider it a “must read”. Don’t judge the second book based on the first.

When Handsome Hubby read the second he told me he thought a professional wrote it! His comment for the first was “get it published, it’s a great story”. Both compliments! I like being a PRO THO!

You can link to that here.

My third book will be fiction and I am scared to say the least! I may have to write under a pen name? We will see!

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I cannot be SAD

Try as I might I cannot be sad. You read correctly. I cannot be sad.

For years of my life I’ve been sad. Even when I have been happy, I’ve been sad. Some of us live happy with moments of sadness. I lived sad with moments of happiness.

I’ve sat here for the past week attempting to write. Four drafts await completion as I type this. They will not be completed.

I should have known what was going on when I decided to create a Happy page on Facebook. Me? HAPPY? Creating it as a “challenge” I told myself I was trying to grow, not be negative, bring positivity to my life. Little did I know, I already had!

Blogging is cheaper than therapy and cheaper than my degree in Psychology.

Writing this past year has helped me heal. I’m not a quitter but I think I’ll give up trying to be sad!

Adult ADD: A Self Diagnosis Part 1

Oh my goodness, I cannot let so much time go between posts. I’ve been so wrapped up in handsome hubby’s book, Prophecy of Honor, there has been no time for either blog or my book.

Now, I feel more like I have ADD than usual. No, I am not making light of a very difficult condition to live with. I truly feel this way, and work hard everyday to stay focused on tasks at hand.

Never have I had to focus so hard to keep my attention to detail. When editing a book, detail is all that matters!

Never have I felt so unintelligent. Spending countless hours editing only to find errors I missed. I majored in English and Psychology! Editing should not be rocket science! I taught 7th and 9th grade English for goodness sakes. I should be able to make sure sentence structure is correct with my eyes closed.

Well, no. It seems I confused tenses and even forgot simple quotation rules. Thinking I needed a refresher course I studied up on grammar rules. My problems were not solved.

At some point along the way each time I sat to edit, it seemed all the words would blur at which point I would not catch any more errors and quite possibly created more.

Sadly, this topic was not even what I intended to blog about today. Realizing that, I took a break from this and quickly researched adult ADD. I’ve never been formally diagnosed although my mom, and my brother have been. The symptoms are quite eye opening. Let’s just say that out of 26, I truly experience 21. Or was it 19. I forgot already! Seriously. It was one of the two. The chart says if you experience 10 or more you should be tested.

An internal sense of anxiety.
Impulsive spending habits.
Frequent distractions during sex.
Lack of attention to detail.
Family history of ADD, learning problems, mood disorders or substance abuse problems.
An attitude of “read the directions when all else fails.”
Frequent traffic violations. Impulsive job changes.
Trouble maintaining an organized work and/or home environment.
Chronically late or always in a hurry.
Frequently overwhelmed by tasks of daily living.
Poor financial management and frequent late bills.
Procrastination.
Spending excessive time at work due to inefficiencies.
Inconsistent work performance.
Nagging sense of underachievement.
Frequent mood swings.
Trouble sustaining friendships or intimate relationships.
A need to seek high stimulation activities.
Tendency toward exaggerated outbursts.
Transposing numbers, letters, words.
Tendency toward being argumentative.
Addictive personality toward food, alcohol, drugs, work and/or gambling.
Tendency to worry needlessly and endlessly.
“Thin-skinned” – having quick or exaggerated responses to real or imagined slights.
Frequently misplace the car keys, your purse or wallet or other day-to-day items.
Trouble following the proper channels or chain of commands.

My name is Cyndi and I have ADD.

This is fine. Here is my current ( current as of 10 minutes ago) dilemma. I know how I feel about myself on a daily basis. I fight a huge internal battle everyday to overcome the negativity from deep inside. I’ve always known certain parts of “me” were attributed to ADD, I just didn’t know how many. I rationalized those things by saying “I’m creative.”

Reading this list I now understand myself better but am forced to decide whether to seek medical help. Do I take the test? I know, I will be diagnosed. If I’m diagnosed my doctor will recommend to medicate me.

I’ve always said I would try every cognitive behavior therapy available to help my children, if diagnosed with ADD, before medicating.

I guess I have answered my own question. I will have to begin my therapy. Luckily, self improvement is something I love.

Do you have ADD? What do you do to help your condition? How does it effect you? When were you diagnosed? How has your life changes since?

I’m looking forward to all comments.

Would you be your friend?

Hey, y’all !

I have a simple question that truly requires a simple answer.

Are you or would you be your friend?

Some of us have thought about this before and others have not.
The ones that have not thought of this probably come with the hard shell that also doesn’t care what others think of them as well. Some could call them shallow, maybe egotistical. Others would say secure in who they are. Whatever the case may be, either you have given this thought or you haven’t. I say your life’s circumstances probably have not led you to ask this question if you haven’t. No matter what your core beliefs are at one time or another we question them. Well, I guess, I hope we all do, as that is a sign of growth.

A few days ago I wrote about perspective. My kids always put things into perspective for me. Simple pleasures put things into perspective. Enjoying traditions, for example. Getting hot water again after not having it since Thanksgiving ( as happened for us a week or so ago) puts things into perspective. Losing it soon after ( within an hour) REALLY put things into perspective. Waiting another week to figure out what the issue was, boiling pots and pots of water, me taking wipey baths and using (form the first time) dry shampoo puts our first world essentials into perspective.

Hot water seemed like nothing when both of my sons got sick. They had a 102-103 fever and the only other symptom was a headache. My brother at 6 weeks contracted encephalitis. Fever was his only symptom. My mom has had meningitis 3 times over the past 7 years. The 3 times occurred within 4 years. Needless to say, I do not like fevers, especially accompanied by a headache……perspective.

My oldest started with his first. He got better within 3 days. The youngest started as the oldest got better. He still has a low grade fever but seems to be doing well…..when your child is sick other things don’t matter. Your life shifts to caring for them. Your perspective on things is altered.

So to get back to my original question. As you see yourself, from your own perspective of you, would you be your own friend? If you met you would you like who you are?

I’ve asked myself this question, obviously. Looking at every nook and cranny of my being, soul searching, is time consuming as well as necessary. I have strained relations with most of my family ( there I said it…..that’s hard to admit) which has prompted my soul searching in my personal life. I could get angry and retaliate or I could become introspective. A few years ago, I would have beyond a shadow of a doubt retaliated. Not now. Why? Perspective. Believe me, I had some soul searching to do, I still want to defend myself and as much of a people pleaser I am I just want them to like me. But then I realized they never did. There is a phrase “it’s not about you”. I’ve realized their issues with me are not about me. Their issues are with them. There is nothing I can say to them to change that. Their perspective of life through their thought processes and circumstances has dictated to them the negative thoughts towards me. Unfortunately their perspective of the world is so tarnished that these people expect the worst out of people. Maybe they conduct their life the way they described what I supposedly did. Who knows? My perspective has not changed. Jesus has forgiven me more times than I can count and will continue to. Who am I not to do the same. I will continue to live my life as I do. Live for my husband and kids. The perspective of someone who has lost much and knows how fragile life is, knows how deep someone can physically and mentally hurt and knows the power of The Lord is priceless.

Would I be my own friend? For sure. Do I like myself? Absolutely.

How about you?

Love like it’s their last day

Lately it seems that I cannot adequately write what I’m thinking in my mind. My thoughts are thought provoking and full of wisdom. On paper it’s blah blah wa wa…

This post is important to me. I have a point, I want to make it and this will be my third attempt at doing so.

My previous post was about selfless marriage. We should not get married so that someone else can make us happy. We should get married to spend our days making our spouse happy. Selfless love. Give of yourself without any expectations.

This led me to explore more deeply some small things I complain about and why. I was not happy with myself after my introspection. However, I’m pleased to have had such an eye opening experience. My first post on this blog was about taking time for yourself. Ideas for mommy’s to help make their needs get met. I’m here to tell you I was wrong.

In one year will it matter if you got to take a bath by yourself? Probably not

In one year will it matter if you didn’t get to the hair dresser every 6 weeks — I haven’t been in 2 years. I’ve been cutting my own and dying it. I say it doesn’t matter

In one year do you think that you could have played trains a few more minutes instead of _______? Probably so.

Well you get where I’m going with this. I have a laundry list of things I used to complain about and probably will continue to. Only now when I complain I have the tools necessary to snap out of my negative zone quicker.

We all can complain about huge problems. I’m talking about the little daily things that we deal with as moms. The “Calgon take me away” moments. Not the bills, someone’s health, job worries. I’m talking about not getting to take a bath alone ever! Never walking out of your house without an army of kids in tow. Not going to get your hair done because you don’t leave your kids with anyone and don’t want to spend the money, yet you still complain. I’m talking about working your booty off literally. Losing 75 pounds and not buying new clothes. Wearing 10 year old clothes and too big clothes. Little daily issues— we all have them. Mine are different than yours but we all can relate.

What if we looked at our loved ones in a different light? What if we looked at them each day like it was their last? Would we treat them better? Whose to say it’s not their or our last day? Will one more bath with mommy really hurt? No! Do I really need to go to the store alone? No! Does it really matter that I cut my hair and dye it even though I have no experience? No- I get compliments. The money we save goes towards our family! Does it really matter that I had to dig clothes out from 10 years ago to wear? No! Who gets to do that?

So now when I have a moment of impatience I ask myself how I would treat this situation a year from now and most importantly I love my family like it is their last day.

What if we all did that? Love like it was everyone’s last day. I can feel the love and positivity just thinking about it.

What do you think?

Selfless marriage

In recent months marriage quality has weighed on my heart ALOT! Much more than a truly happily married person should worry. I’m not questioning my marriage. I’m finding myself worried about others. Yes, I know, it’s none of my business.

Handsome hubby and I have our spats. He gets upset with me and I with him. We are human. The most beautiful blessing no matter how upset we are with one another happens when we still sleep in the same bed and he still holds me even when we are upset with one or the other. We don’t follow the rule- don’t go to bed angry. We do what works for us. Sometimes we still wake upset and sometimes we don’t. The act of love and respect for our marriage comes first.

Handsome hubby is the king of this house. I try to treat him as such. Home cooked meals, serve him first, his clothes are always freshly pressed, our bed made and the house as tidy as possible are small examples. When he arrives home from work he is greeted with a smile. We talk about his day, then mine. Maybe a bit June Cleever but it’s us. He treats me like a princess, provides for his family, tells me I’m beautiful, respects me, asks my opinion. We are partners. God comes
first , our marriage second , then our family and everything else follows. We pray together daily. 2-3 times together and with the kids. Like I said, we argue. However, there is no yelling, no name calling, no score keeping and no retaliation if someone hurt the other.

Hearing friends are getting divorced, talking about divorce or are not in love anymore makes me sad. Apart from abuse I KNOW these couples could work things out.

Our thoughts and beliefs of marriage and family have benefited us greatly and have not come without sacrifice.

I recent days the blog titled Marriage Isn’t For You hit the ground running! Everyone is talking about it. It’s all the rage. What gets me is this blog says what EVERY married couple
should know. They should know this BEFORE their wedding day. Before I DO. The idea that some guy had to write a blog telling people that when you are married your spouse comes first gives me perspective. Not the perspective you might be thinking. If gives me perspective into the fall of the sacrament of marriage.

Society is such that we have to be selfish. Take care of you first. The knowledge this idea has bled into marriage is scary.

My family’s needs come first. Yes, I have
found myself complain. No, I wouldn’t change it for the world.

Thoughtful Thursday— “get over yourself”

Thoughtful Thursday……one of my favorite posts of the week. I love writing about the book I’m currently reading. These books are always spiritually based and thought provoking. There are still a few books that I want to write about and always forget! One, The Four Agreements, by Miguel Ruiz. Two, The Twelve Gifts of Birth. by Charlene Costanzo. Three, Simple Abundance, by Sarah Ban Breathnach. I’m sure there are more that will pop up but these 3 are wonderful pieces of literature.

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Four simple things: be impeccable with your word, don’t take anything personally, don’t make assumptions and always do your best. Hum? I mess up on all of these daily. Read the image above. Do you too? Why do we do this? If I could figure out why maybe I could figure out how to stop! I focus on being impeccable with my word. Saying what I mean and meaning what I say are very important. Gossiping about others is not an issue either. Speaking against myself is my problem. Marianne Williamson, my favorite author, says that people with poor self image need to ” get over their self”. Who are we to say we aren’t good enough? By doing this we are basically telling God he did not create us good enough! Well, obviously I’m happy with God’s creation. I look at my children. Each of them beautiful in their own unique way. When they have negative self talk it hurts my heart. I don’t want them to feel that way. I imagine God feels the same. You are going to think I’m crazy but to avoid negative thoughts I have avoided looking in the mirror. It’s true. I don’t have to wear makeup so it’s an easy thing to do. I don’t have to look at myself wearing sweats and I know how all of my other clothes look on me. I just avoid the mirror. Probably not the best choice of cognitive behavioral therapy! Some would say to dress nicely ever day, wear makeup, do your hair, etc. These things will make you feel better about yourself. I say no. That is not me. Makeup on my face is not me. Dressed up to stay home playing and cleaning– uh, not going to happen. Handsome hubby says I should only care what he thinks. Well it’s not that easy. Others say abused children have lower self esteem. I know personally that is not always the case. I can pinpoint where my negative self talk came. It was embedded in my head from a young age. It is not of God. It is earthly. It is not of Love. It therefore is not real. Our self image, self esteem and self talk create our tomorrow. I chose my tomorrow to be better than today. For a proper cognitive behavioral therapy lesson I’m going to look in the mirror and tell you something about my head, my torso and my lower body that I like. I’m grateful for all of it. By the grace of God I have a fully functioning body. I’m thankful for that everyday. Ok so here goes!………………….
Head——-eyes and dog bite scar
Torso ———–wrists. Don’t laugh! They are tiny! Birthmark on my back– it is the same shape as my grandfathers and in the same place!
Lower body——-pigment scarring on my right ankle

I think that’s enough for now. This has taken me forever to get through! I hope to have time to continue writing later.