Jesus take the wheel

I’ve been blessed today to be able to accompany my son to his Jr. Beta convention.

Watching the talent segment a young lady began to sing “Jesus Take The Wheel” by Carrie Underwood.

My son knows me well. He knew I would be in tears. He was sitting with his friends and looked up at me with deep concern in his gray eyes. I nodded and took a deep breath. Praying to hold it together in the gym full of BETA members and chaperones.

The lyrics touched me……
Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can’t do this on my own
I’m letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I’m on
Jesus take the wheel

The song was over. I took a deep breathe. I smelled thieves and Joy essential oils from my diffuser necklace.

Next, 2 young ladies walked up. The music started and within 2 notes my son looked up at me once again. This time he said, “Mom, don’t do it.” He KNEW I was about to lose it. One of the girls began “I heard there was a secret chord- that David played and it pleased the Lord…”

Oh no….hold it together, take a deep breathe., get out of here, don’t listen, look at facebook. Do SOMETHING! Anything to keep from losing it.- went through my head all at once.

On a good day I can’t listen to “Hallelujah” without crying. I can’t listen to kids sing without crying and I certainly cannot when I’m on the brink of tears every second of every day since my dads diagnosis.

I picked up my diffuser necklace and inhaled deeply and tears ran down my face. No one paid attention.

Next up, group talent. A group of three walked up and the young MC announced they were dancing to “Bulletproof” in honor of those effected by cancer.

What the —–? What is this? Why?!!!!!

I wanted a day with my son, to forget about life’s troubles. I wanted to enjoy him and his innocence and sweetness.

“Jesus take the wheel”, I said inside my head.

We got through the day. We had a blast. Pushing through the emotions to make it about what it was supposed to be. A mom and son day. That is exactly what it was and I will never forget it. I even embarrassed him by dancing to the “Cupid Shuffle” with his friends.

When you are dealing with a loved one diagnosed with stage 4 cancer it/ they NEVER leave your mind. (Atleast that is the case for me.) It’s almost like when you have kids and they never leave your mind. Everything reminds you of them.

I see gray- brain cancer comes to mind. I see a man with white hair- I think of my dad. A motorcycle drives by- my dad. My youngest wants to play with his tool set- my dad. Bud light- my dad. My house- my dad. One of the kids needs something and it’s not the best time for me- I think – if I could only have a few minutes with my dad. I give them a few more hugs and a few more kisses, always remembering what is most important. Our connection. Our love.

Today my phone rang. The name on the screen read “DAD”! I was so excited to answer the phone. My dad was calling me. Sitting in his hospital room and he thought to call me! I used to talk to him every day. I shared everything with him. We talked about everything. He would give me his opinion. He would show support. We shared so much of our lives. If something happened good or bad he was the person I talked to after my husband. That came to a screeching halt and I miss it more than imaginable.

I knew he would not sound great. I imagined he would sound tired and his speech would be weak again. When I heard his voice I had to fight back the tears. Hearing his voice was awesome. He is alive and we are talking! Hallelujah! He sounded weak, slurred. Heavy tongued is how I describe it. He was worse than at Christmas time. He asked if I knew about his seizures. We talked about his muscle strength. He said he loved me and wanted to talk to Handsome Hubby.

I hung up the phone In tears and have not recuperated.

A few days ago a friend told me she hoped I had someone to lean on right now. Someone to vent to. I simply replied “Thank you.” What else could I say?

I have my husband who is almost as emotionally vested in this as I am. My other ROCK is lying in his hospital room and needs me to be his rock.

JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL!

Prophecy of Honor

Handsome Hubby’s book has gone WORLDWIDE!

snatch up your copy today. click here

Please leave a honest review.
This is a “dip your toes in the water” book. Testing the waters and it has tested well!

Tell us what you think. We really do want to know!

I cannot be SAD

Try as I might I cannot be sad. You read correctly. I cannot be sad.

For years of my life I’ve been sad. Even when I have been happy, I’ve been sad. Some of us live happy with moments of sadness. I lived sad with moments of happiness.

I’ve sat here for the past week attempting to write. Four drafts await completion as I type this. They will not be completed.

I should have known what was going on when I decided to create a Happy page on Facebook. Me? HAPPY? Creating it as a “challenge” I told myself I was trying to grow, not be negative, bring positivity to my life. Little did I know, I already had!

Blogging is cheaper than therapy and cheaper than my degree in Psychology.

Writing this past year has helped me heal. I’m not a quitter but I think I’ll give up trying to be sad!

How many inches did she lose?

Well, let’s do a recap of last weeks loss.

Monday- 151
Tuesday- 149.6
Wednesday – 146
Thursday – 142.4
Friday- 143.4
Saturday – out of town
Sunday- out of town
Monday- out of town
Tuesday- 149.6

Wow! Back to square one! I did cheat while gone although I didn’t plan on it. I brought plenty of food to keep me from cheating to our farm house. Somehow I found a way. Tamales, little kit kats, Reece’s peanut butter cups, and biscuits were my downfall.

But the beauty of Metabolism Miracle happens when you measure yourself. All was not lost- or should I say some was lost?—-after all.

20140121-083112.jpg

As you can see there was a 4.5 inch loss. I’ll take that any day!!!!!

Believe me part of me wanted more off my hips and waist but losing almost half of my inches gained in a week is something to be excited about.

Please share your success stories. Sometimes success is measured by not cheating when it would have been so easy or making a better choice when it would have been easier not to. Sometimes it is maintaining during a difficult week. Sometimes successes are huge weight losses or major measurement losses. Sometimes it’s getting out of bed!!!

We are a forum here to cheer one another on. I encourage you to share you stories. THEY WILL ENCOURAGE ALL OF US!

Love like it’s their last day

Lately it seems that I cannot adequately write what I’m thinking in my mind. My thoughts are thought provoking and full of wisdom. On paper it’s blah blah wa wa…

This post is important to me. I have a point, I want to make it and this will be my third attempt at doing so.

My previous post was about selfless marriage. We should not get married so that someone else can make us happy. We should get married to spend our days making our spouse happy. Selfless love. Give of yourself without any expectations.

This led me to explore more deeply some small things I complain about and why. I was not happy with myself after my introspection. However, I’m pleased to have had such an eye opening experience. My first post on this blog was about taking time for yourself. Ideas for mommy’s to help make their needs get met. I’m here to tell you I was wrong.

In one year will it matter if you got to take a bath by yourself? Probably not

In one year will it matter if you didn’t get to the hair dresser every 6 weeks — I haven’t been in 2 years. I’ve been cutting my own and dying it. I say it doesn’t matter

In one year do you think that you could have played trains a few more minutes instead of _______? Probably so.

Well you get where I’m going with this. I have a laundry list of things I used to complain about and probably will continue to. Only now when I complain I have the tools necessary to snap out of my negative zone quicker.

We all can complain about huge problems. I’m talking about the little daily things that we deal with as moms. The “Calgon take me away” moments. Not the bills, someone’s health, job worries. I’m talking about not getting to take a bath alone ever! Never walking out of your house without an army of kids in tow. Not going to get your hair done because you don’t leave your kids with anyone and don’t want to spend the money, yet you still complain. I’m talking about working your booty off literally. Losing 75 pounds and not buying new clothes. Wearing 10 year old clothes and too big clothes. Little daily issues— we all have them. Mine are different than yours but we all can relate.

What if we looked at our loved ones in a different light? What if we looked at them each day like it was their last? Would we treat them better? Whose to say it’s not their or our last day? Will one more bath with mommy really hurt? No! Do I really need to go to the store alone? No! Does it really matter that I cut my hair and dye it even though I have no experience? No- I get compliments. The money we save goes towards our family! Does it really matter that I had to dig clothes out from 10 years ago to wear? No! Who gets to do that?

So now when I have a moment of impatience I ask myself how I would treat this situation a year from now and most importantly I love my family like it is their last day.

What if we all did that? Love like it was everyone’s last day. I can feel the love and positivity just thinking about it.

What do you think?

Thoughtful Thursday— “get over yourself”

Thoughtful Thursday……one of my favorite posts of the week. I love writing about the book I’m currently reading. These books are always spiritually based and thought provoking. There are still a few books that I want to write about and always forget! One, The Four Agreements, by Miguel Ruiz. Two, The Twelve Gifts of Birth. by Charlene Costanzo. Three, Simple Abundance, by Sarah Ban Breathnach. I’m sure there are more that will pop up but these 3 are wonderful pieces of literature.

20130926-132755.jpg

Four simple things: be impeccable with your word, don’t take anything personally, don’t make assumptions and always do your best. Hum? I mess up on all of these daily. Read the image above. Do you too? Why do we do this? If I could figure out why maybe I could figure out how to stop! I focus on being impeccable with my word. Saying what I mean and meaning what I say are very important. Gossiping about others is not an issue either. Speaking against myself is my problem. Marianne Williamson, my favorite author, says that people with poor self image need to ” get over their self”. Who are we to say we aren’t good enough? By doing this we are basically telling God he did not create us good enough! Well, obviously I’m happy with God’s creation. I look at my children. Each of them beautiful in their own unique way. When they have negative self talk it hurts my heart. I don’t want them to feel that way. I imagine God feels the same. You are going to think I’m crazy but to avoid negative thoughts I have avoided looking in the mirror. It’s true. I don’t have to wear makeup so it’s an easy thing to do. I don’t have to look at myself wearing sweats and I know how all of my other clothes look on me. I just avoid the mirror. Probably not the best choice of cognitive behavioral therapy! Some would say to dress nicely ever day, wear makeup, do your hair, etc. These things will make you feel better about yourself. I say no. That is not me. Makeup on my face is not me. Dressed up to stay home playing and cleaning– uh, not going to happen. Handsome hubby says I should only care what he thinks. Well it’s not that easy. Others say abused children have lower self esteem. I know personally that is not always the case. I can pinpoint where my negative self talk came. It was embedded in my head from a young age. It is not of God. It is earthly. It is not of Love. It therefore is not real. Our self image, self esteem and self talk create our tomorrow. I chose my tomorrow to be better than today. For a proper cognitive behavioral therapy lesson I’m going to look in the mirror and tell you something about my head, my torso and my lower body that I like. I’m grateful for all of it. By the grace of God I have a fully functioning body. I’m thankful for that everyday. Ok so here goes!………………….
Head——-eyes and dog bite scar
Torso ———–wrists. Don’t laugh! They are tiny! Birthmark on my back– it is the same shape as my grandfathers and in the same place!
Lower body——-pigment scarring on my right ankle

I think that’s enough for now. This has taken me forever to get through! I hope to have time to continue writing later.

Fall Fashion – proceed with caution

Glamour listed falls fashion do’s and don’ts.
Surprisingly, I agree with most of them. Maybe it’s because because Glamour is more mainstream. Maybe I’ve been out of the biz for far too long because “back in the day” when I saw runway looks I could easily translate them into everyday. Right now I’m digging deep in my minds recesses of long ago, hoping to find the young creative 24 year old. I must say I feel old.

About 25 years ago I graduated with an Associates Degree in Retail/ Fashion Design. I was lucky enough to live in a place that afforded me great seamstresses at great prices as well as inexpensive material. I couldn’t wait for runway looks to hit WWD, fashion magazines and a certain show ( I cannot believe I forgot the name!) I would make sketches of what I LOVED or bring pictures to my seamstress with material. Then turn the runway look into MY look. ( I ended my education with a bachelors degree with a double major- English and Psychology and a minor in Sociology).

Where has that creativity gone? I haven’t looked at WWD, a look book, called a rep, watched a fashion show or even an Elle Magazine in years. Busy mothering — wearing the mommy uniform and my hair in a pony tail is wonderful. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

But there’s a spark, a little light inside that’s getting brighter. So for now I will cheat and look to Glamour and other sources for direction. I don’t see me designing clothes anymore, unless its a PROM dress! However, I see something for me in fashion again. I will pray for Gods guidance to lead me in the right direction!

All that being said. Lets talk about some trends!!!! Can we really call animal print – leopard print to be exact- a trend? That’s a staple, go to item!
Winter white? Really? One of my favorites of all times. Definitely a staple, as well. Leather…… Enough said! Never out! Menswear prints??? I have a dream of opening men’s custom made shirt store, The Haberdashery. I think there is a store by this name now. When I thought of it 15 years ago there wasn’t…..Next is revamped military. You can never go wrong with army green slim pants and tailored jacket. Add some fun gold jewelry and chain belt. Or like the article says mix brocade and lace. This is always in style for me too!

We are left with emerald. The color of the year. This is a must have! Pick an item that is your go to for color of the year I always pick shoes, a huge necklaces ( for me, they never go out of style) or a hat. So much fun! We also have oversized eye catching outerwear. This personally is not a favorite of mine. Tending to steer clear of outerwear because of its chunkiness I think I will avoid this trend. The next 2 trends layering and peplums I would proceed with caution. Study these before attempting to wear them. For example, layers you can click here for tips. For finding the perfect peplum click here.