Jesus take the wheel

I’ve been blessed today to be able to accompany my son to his Jr. Beta convention.

Watching the talent segment a young lady began to sing “Jesus Take The Wheel” by Carrie Underwood.

My son knows me well. He knew I would be in tears. He was sitting with his friends and looked up at me with deep concern in his gray eyes. I nodded and took a deep breath. Praying to hold it together in the gym full of BETA members and chaperones.

The lyrics touched me……
Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can’t do this on my own
I’m letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I’m on
Jesus take the wheel

The song was over. I took a deep breathe. I smelled thieves and Joy essential oils from my diffuser necklace.

Next, 2 young ladies walked up. The music started and within 2 notes my son looked up at me once again. This time he said, “Mom, don’t do it.” He KNEW I was about to lose it. One of the girls began “I heard there was a secret chord- that David played and it pleased the Lord…”

Oh no….hold it together, take a deep breathe., get out of here, don’t listen, look at facebook. Do SOMETHING! Anything to keep from losing it.- went through my head all at once.

On a good day I can’t listen to “Hallelujah” without crying. I can’t listen to kids sing without crying and I certainly cannot when I’m on the brink of tears every second of every day since my dads diagnosis.

I picked up my diffuser necklace and inhaled deeply and tears ran down my face. No one paid attention.

Next up, group talent. A group of three walked up and the young MC announced they were dancing to “Bulletproof” in honor of those effected by cancer.

What the —–? What is this? Why?!!!!!

I wanted a day with my son, to forget about life’s troubles. I wanted to enjoy him and his innocence and sweetness.

“Jesus take the wheel”, I said inside my head.

We got through the day. We had a blast. Pushing through the emotions to make it about what it was supposed to be. A mom and son day. That is exactly what it was and I will never forget it. I even embarrassed him by dancing to the “Cupid Shuffle” with his friends.

When you are dealing with a loved one diagnosed with stage 4 cancer it/ they NEVER leave your mind. (Atleast that is the case for me.) It’s almost like when you have kids and they never leave your mind. Everything reminds you of them.

I see gray- brain cancer comes to mind. I see a man with white hair- I think of my dad. A motorcycle drives by- my dad. My youngest wants to play with his tool set- my dad. Bud light- my dad. My house- my dad. One of the kids needs something and it’s not the best time for me- I think – if I could only have a few minutes with my dad. I give them a few more hugs and a few more kisses, always remembering what is most important. Our connection. Our love.

Today my phone rang. The name on the screen read “DAD”! I was so excited to answer the phone. My dad was calling me. Sitting in his hospital room and he thought to call me! I used to talk to him every day. I shared everything with him. We talked about everything. He would give me his opinion. He would show support. We shared so much of our lives. If something happened good or bad he was the person I talked to after my husband. That came to a screeching halt and I miss it more than imaginable.

I knew he would not sound great. I imagined he would sound tired and his speech would be weak again. When I heard his voice I had to fight back the tears. Hearing his voice was awesome. He is alive and we are talking! Hallelujah! He sounded weak, slurred. Heavy tongued is how I describe it. He was worse than at Christmas time. He asked if I knew about his seizures. We talked about his muscle strength. He said he loved me and wanted to talk to Handsome Hubby.

I hung up the phone In tears and have not recuperated.

A few days ago a friend told me she hoped I had someone to lean on right now. Someone to vent to. I simply replied “Thank you.” What else could I say?

I have my husband who is almost as emotionally vested in this as I am. My other ROCK is lying in his hospital room and needs me to be his rock.

JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL!

Advertisements

Writing Process

Every time and I do mean every single time I start to write I have a particular goal, idea or thought I would like to share that ends up evolving into something different along the way.

Today I want to write about how excited I am to see Handsome Hubby’s books as well as mine continue to sell. I know through the writing process my intention will evolve into something different. It always does. 

Often I feel I am being led by something stronger than the thoughts in my brain when I write, either for my blogs or in my writing in general. I’m curious? Does this happen to anyone else? Is this true to others writing process?

Handsome Hubby knows exactly what he will type when he sits to write. The words flow with ease and accuracy. For me, the process is like stumbling through deep, dark woods full of roots and plants. I stumble. I have to retrace steps. I cannot see the end until something grabs hold of my hands and takes over. Something envelops my thoughts and takes over. My creative juices flow.

There can be chaos all around or dead silence.Environment does not matter, What matters is my connection with who ever or what ever is guiding me. 

You see, I see orbs. I see 5 different ones as a matter of fact and know who most are. They guide me daily. But when I am writing I rarely see them, I feel something trigger a change in the direction my mind is thinking. I feel when I am on the right track, so to speak. Usually one word triggers that change and I go with it. Let the fingers type and honestly do not pay much attention as to what shows up on the screen or is being thought in my head.

Coo-coo?  Absolutely and it works for me! As I attempt to write my first fiction novel. I feel out of sorts. I am more of a self help kinda girl or TRUE STORY.  Fiction is hard and I am using it to challenge myself. When it is published and it will be, I pray that it speaks to many of you.

In the meantime, I ask that you read Handsome Hubby’s books

Prophecy of Honor

Jesus Held Me

or my books

My Metabolic Miracle

My Metabolic Miracle II- Tips and Recipes for Success

 

Thank you!

 

Please reply with your writing process. I truly am interested!

Prophecy of Honor

Handsome Hubby’s book has gone WORLDWIDE!

snatch up your copy today. click here

Please leave a honest review.
This is a “dip your toes in the water” book. Testing the waters and it has tested well!

Tell us what you think. We really do want to know!

I cannot be SAD

Try as I might I cannot be sad. You read correctly. I cannot be sad.

For years of my life I’ve been sad. Even when I have been happy, I’ve been sad. Some of us live happy with moments of sadness. I lived sad with moments of happiness.

I’ve sat here for the past week attempting to write. Four drafts await completion as I type this. They will not be completed.

I should have known what was going on when I decided to create a Happy page on Facebook. Me? HAPPY? Creating it as a “challenge” I told myself I was trying to grow, not be negative, bring positivity to my life. Little did I know, I already had!

Blogging is cheaper than therapy and cheaper than my degree in Psychology.

Writing this past year has helped me heal. I’m not a quitter but I think I’ll give up trying to be sad!

Timing

20140218-123501.jpg

My paternal grandfather……

When I look at him I see the backbone of our family. That’s probably what most think of when thinking of their grandfathers. I’m not sure. Coming from a divorced marriage where both parents remarried as well as grandparents who were divorced and remarried you can imagine the sets of grandparents I had! Seeing pictures of them as children or anywhere near the age I am at the time always amazes me.

Who were they really? Don’t get me wrong I knew my grandparents but only as a child. Only what they wanted me to know, so to speak.

Well as usual I begin my topic in one direction and head another.

I received this picture in the mail today.

My paternal grandmother passed away in July. She was my last remaining grandparent and had suffered from Alzheimer’s for some years. My paternal grandfather passed away many years ago.

As a child I would go to my PopPops bedroom. The picture above was framed on his dresser. He met my grandmother, in uniform at A Niagra Falls photo shop. He told her he was off to war and would return in 1 year to marry her. He did exactly that. She immigrated from Canada to the United States. They had 5 kids, Army brats. They lived all over the world. I would look at this picture, try to imagine what his deep blue eyes had seen. I knew he had a rough childhood. Is that why he joined the Army. I wondered if he looked like this before he went to war or after. I didn’t know what the rankings were or metals.

He was my hero. My protector.

Although in reality arthritis had set in and he could barely move at times, he was a recovering alcoholic and not as
my imagination made him to everyone else, he was that perfect to me. He was MY POP POP! We counted rail road cars together, visited friends at the dry cleaners, went to the hardware store, bbq’d, tinkered in his shop, worked in his office which was his enclosed garage. We just hung out.

I was extremely blessed with a relationship like this with most of my grandparents. By the grace of God!

When my grandmother passed my dad asked if there was anything I wanted from their home. I told him of the picture. He was unsure exactly which one. He said he would do what he could.

Months went by. At my brothers wedding last weekend my aunt brought an envelope to my dad with a special something she saved just for him, as the eldest son. As my dad opened the envelope I began to see my new spark of light that comes in my right eye. I knew who the light was and I knew what was in the package. ( my spark of light just flew by as I typed this). He opened it. I said “that’s the picture”.

My youngest brother was standing there. The one I least understand. My dad held the picture up to him. The resemblance is uncanny. Timing is everything. I got the message that I needed to be more understanding and I received the picture. Oh and I finally figured out who my new angel was! Blessings everywhere!!!!

Live Braver!

20140111-180911.jpg

The picture above was taken the Mothers Day before my in laws 3rd child was tragically taken to heaven.

Seeing this picture in our hallway on Christmas Eve of this year, my mother in law shared that little bit of information with my husband and I ( he is the first from the left). My mother in law is a woman somewhat “of few words”. She is very private. I will leave her story quite simply with my thought in respect to her— she has LIVED BRAVER. A strong female role model for her children. As mine has been for hers.

When I think of living braver my thoughts and memories immediately, almost selfishly, envelop me. My own personal story of living bravely. I will find a way to share it one day.

But this, this is about my sister in law, Lexlee Overton. The little girl in the picture. What is so complex about human emotions, our human brain, is one persons painful memory is another’s most glorious happiest of memories.

Recently writing a post on perception, the contrast of what my mother in law and sister in law see when they look at this one moment in time strongly stood out to me. But the similarity in the afterthought, if you will, is quite similar. It was the beginning of my mother in law living braver at a whole new level and for my sister in law it was “a reminder of being a young girl who loves openly and freely”, without fear. I’m sure to an extent the same goes for my mother in law when she looks at her precious children in this picture and was BRAVE enough to have 2 more beautiful children.

Stay with me, I do have a point.
My sister in law has created a wonderful website where we can share stories, find resources and support one another to help us Live Braver. Pleaseclick here to connect to the site.

Below I attached a small excerpt from livebraver.com.

I hope you visit the site.
Share your story!
Live Braver!

excerpt from livebraver.com
Live Braver is a resource for those seeking to step beyond the confines of fear, for those seeking a more inspiring, fulfilling, and rewarding life.

The ultimate goal: to help and to support each other in finding the courage to take steps towards a life we love.

What to expect: a community filled with people like you, who want to share their stories and to inspire others to bravely embrace their life purpose.

Be inspired

Be empowered

Be IN LOVE with your life

LIVE BRAVER.

Are you ready to Live Braver?
Live Braver is a resource for those seeking to step beyond the confines of fear, for those seeking a more inspiring, fulfilling, and rewarding life.

The ultimate goal: to help and to support each other in finding the courage to take steps towards a life we love.

What to expect: a community filled with people like you, who want to share their stories and to inspire others to bravely embrace their life purpose.

Be inspired

Be empowered

Be IN LOVE with your life

LIVE BRAVER.

Are you ready to Live Braver?

13 Ways To Fix Not Being Mentally Strong

Hi y’all!

It seems I’ve been a little out of sorts lately. Maybe you’ve noticed by the decline in my posts. Maybe not.

A friend of mine posted an article on Facebook “13 Things Mentally Strong People Do”.

They say opinions are like ——-, everyone has one. We also view strength by our life experiences. I’ve always felt like a survivor. I’ve NEVER felt weak, until I read this article. I do not think that was the authors intent. However, that’s how I felt. Was that weakness? According to her it is.

Strength and weakness are relative. Psych 101. Everything is relative. Some might view her article as cold, harsh and removed. Others that can relate, possibly felt empowered by it.

Needless to say, me, although I felt weakened by some of the 13 things chose to print them out and work on them. I could only feel weakened by them if I didn’t feel I possess them right?
Not necessarily. It’s just my view of mental strength was based on my life which has been good old fashioned fight or flight.

Don’t get me wrong, a lot of the “things” I do. But some I don’t. Some I’m learning and some I never looked at as a strength or a weakness. What I would have liked is for the author to help the not so strong by giving pointers on how not to continue doing what they are.

We have to love this new age of internet blogging. Sharing our views with someone next door or around the world is possible. If we are open to looking at things in a different light we have a lot to learn and our personal growth will be exponential. We are blessed to have this gift.

You can read the article here. It’s also linked above.

Here’s my take:
1: They don’t waste time feeling sorry form themselves- How to fix : make a plan to change your circumstances. Dream of what you want, where you want to be, how you want people to treat you. Imagine that is exactly as it is. When it isn’t that way. Imagine it to be anyway, one day it will be.

2. They don’t give away their power- How to fix: DO NOT take anything personally. People treat you based on the way the feel about their self, not you. You cannot take anything personally.

3. They don’t shy away from change- How to fix : think of all the changes you have gone through. There are more than you know. Also make a pros and cons list. If that still doesn’t work you pretend the change is temporary. Eventually you will get through it. Then challenge yourself to do new things every week or month.

4. They don’t waste energy on things they can’t control- How to fix: when something happens automatically think “will this matter in a year?” Realize that sometimes misfortunes happen for a reason. Nothing happens by chance. Embrace the situation. Ask what lesson you need to learn. Who are you there to
meet. These are divine interventions, to me.

5. They don’t worry about pleasing everyone- How to fix: uh, need help here!

6. They don’t fear taking calculated risks- How to fix: again make a pros and cons list, talk to people, get advice and do research.

7. The don’t dwell on the past- How to fix: Take a few moments or more. Whatever you need to visit the old you that goes to the past. Tell that person, because you are not the same, to stay where they are, that you are great where you are now. You are full of experience because of them and don’t need them any longer. Do this as often as you need to until you stop. It might sound hokey but it works.

8. They don’t make the same mistakes over and over- How to Fix: Sometimes we
make the same mistakes in different ways. If you are doing this you need a trustworthy friend or relative to help you figure out why you keep dating the same
type of person and help you not, for example. Or maybe you spend too much money? Come up with a plan to have bills automatically paid on payday and the rest going to saving. Only leaving enough for incidentals. I don’t know really. You have to do what works for you but stops the cycle too!

10. They don’t give up after their first failure- How to Fix: we wouldn’t have any modern conveniences without failure. Ask any successful person about failure. They all have. Figure out what mistakes were made and don’t do it again. You’ve made mistakes. Learning to walk, talk, write and on and on.

11. They don’t fear alone time – How to
Fix: if this is a problem for you. Start slowly by going to one place alone. Get a coffee alone for example. Expand to the movies alone. This is very good for the soul. Opens doors to meeting others as well.

12. They don’t feel the world owes them
anything- How to fix: unfortunately this society has become full of entitled
people. It might sound silly but a simple way to take this away is to take away your everyday conveniences or not live as large. It’s amazing what packing up
most of your home and living only on BARE necessities will teach you. Experience talking here!

13. They don’t expect immediate results- How to fix: this kinda goes with entitlement. “I want it now!” If you want something wait a week. If you still want it and can afford it, get it. Or pretend order things online. One thing I personally do is write my weight 5 pounds more in my weight charts to constantly strive for more. Patience is a virtue very few have.

What do you think? What are your suggestions? What would you add or take away?

Thanks for reading and have a blessed day!!!!

20131121-093122.jpg