Jesus take the wheel

I’ve been blessed today to be able to accompany my son to his Jr. Beta convention.

Watching the talent segment a young lady began to sing “Jesus Take The Wheel” by Carrie Underwood.

My son knows me well. He knew I would be in tears. He was sitting with his friends and looked up at me with deep concern in his gray eyes. I nodded and took a deep breath. Praying to hold it together in the gym full of BETA members and chaperones.

The lyrics touched me……
Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can’t do this on my own
I’m letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I’m on
Jesus take the wheel

The song was over. I took a deep breathe. I smelled thieves and Joy essential oils from my diffuser necklace.

Next, 2 young ladies walked up. The music started and within 2 notes my son looked up at me once again. This time he said, “Mom, don’t do it.” He KNEW I was about to lose it. One of the girls began “I heard there was a secret chord- that David played and it pleased the Lord…”

Oh no….hold it together, take a deep breathe., get out of here, don’t listen, look at facebook. Do SOMETHING! Anything to keep from losing it.- went through my head all at once.

On a good day I can’t listen to “Hallelujah” without crying. I can’t listen to kids sing without crying and I certainly cannot when I’m on the brink of tears every second of every day since my dads diagnosis.

I picked up my diffuser necklace and inhaled deeply and tears ran down my face. No one paid attention.

Next up, group talent. A group of three walked up and the young MC announced they were dancing to “Bulletproof” in honor of those effected by cancer.

What the —–? What is this? Why?!!!!!

I wanted a day with my son, to forget about life’s troubles. I wanted to enjoy him and his innocence and sweetness.

“Jesus take the wheel”, I said inside my head.

We got through the day. We had a blast. Pushing through the emotions to make it about what it was supposed to be. A mom and son day. That is exactly what it was and I will never forget it. I even embarrassed him by dancing to the “Cupid Shuffle” with his friends.

When you are dealing with a loved one diagnosed with stage 4 cancer it/ they NEVER leave your mind. (Atleast that is the case for me.) It’s almost like when you have kids and they never leave your mind. Everything reminds you of them.

I see gray- brain cancer comes to mind. I see a man with white hair- I think of my dad. A motorcycle drives by- my dad. My youngest wants to play with his tool set- my dad. Bud light- my dad. My house- my dad. One of the kids needs something and it’s not the best time for me- I think – if I could only have a few minutes with my dad. I give them a few more hugs and a few more kisses, always remembering what is most important. Our connection. Our love.

Today my phone rang. The name on the screen read “DAD”! I was so excited to answer the phone. My dad was calling me. Sitting in his hospital room and he thought to call me! I used to talk to him every day. I shared everything with him. We talked about everything. He would give me his opinion. He would show support. We shared so much of our lives. If something happened good or bad he was the person I talked to after my husband. That came to a screeching halt and I miss it more than imaginable.

I knew he would not sound great. I imagined he would sound tired and his speech would be weak again. When I heard his voice I had to fight back the tears. Hearing his voice was awesome. He is alive and we are talking! Hallelujah! He sounded weak, slurred. Heavy tongued is how I describe it. He was worse than at Christmas time. He asked if I knew about his seizures. We talked about his muscle strength. He said he loved me and wanted to talk to Handsome Hubby.

I hung up the phone In tears and have not recuperated.

A few days ago a friend told me she hoped I had someone to lean on right now. Someone to vent to. I simply replied “Thank you.” What else could I say?

I have my husband who is almost as emotionally vested in this as I am. My other ROCK is lying in his hospital room and needs me to be his rock.

JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL!

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For the love of family

In March of this year I was blessed to chat with one of my best friends best friends. We had never met because they live in California.

Our mutual friend had passed away months earlier. We were both devastated. We connected with each other on Facebook. For me it was me still hanging on to my friend. I wanted to soak up anyone and anything to do with her.

My new friend is a business woman. She is a go-getter. She is highly ranked in a fabulous business in which I was wanting to be a part of. I was teetering between 2.

For several months I prayed about which business to join. I needed to find my passion. As I prayed and if I allowed my mind to quiet I would see images pushing me one direction.

I love both of these products…. I loved the security of knowing if I joined one company I would have a connection with my friend.

But as I prayed I saw images. I saw images of my brother who was handicapped. I saw images of my family. I saw images of helping others. Within these images I felt comfort. I knew God was leading me to my answer but I Kept wanting to be led the other direction, too. In my daily life I saw with open eyes what I needed to do. The effects of the products God was leading me to were benefiting my family every day.

I made my decision and joined an awesome team! My goals are large! My faith is larger! God led me here to where I am. My faith will help me to attain these goals.

These goals encompass the development of two separate foundations created to help children and their families. One foundation will help families hold everything together when they are struggling with health issues with a child. I pray I can send someone in to their home to keep things running while a family is split because one parent has to be away with a child in the hospital while the other stays home trying their darnedest to hold it all together. They will cook, clean, chauffeur etc for
free to the family. My mother needed this.

The foundation will cover many other services to the level each individual wants or needs.

The second will be to offer the use of essential oils to children in pain and their families. My brother was only able to have local anesthesia for every procedure he ever had. He lived in pain. When he passed away my mother was given the gift from God of seeing him float out of his human body with a smile on his face. There was no pain. Pure peace. I cannot
Imagine the pain he lived in and could not express. Parents need the comfort of oils as well. The trauma, sadness and stress of not knowing if your child will be ok. Not knowing if you can trust the doctors. Not knowing if your protocol is right. Living in a hospital to care for your child. Financial burdens. Relationship problems from being apart. The list goes on and on.

There really is an oil for everything. My thought is why not try? What do I have to lose? More importantly— what do I have to gain?

If you find yourself thinking someone is merely trying to make a buck off of
Facebook post after Facebook post please allow yourself to think of this blog and know that there is something deeper than their pockets. Something besides money motivates them.

God bless!

Newlywed Game

Today our teenage girls decided that it would be fun for Handsome Hubby and I to play the Newlywed Game. We were married in 2009 so I guess we might still be considered newlyweds.

They asked us a total of 16 questions.  We answered 2 differently.  I cannot say incorrectly because we interpreted the question differently. For example, one question was “What was the biggest surprise present he has given you?”  He answered,” A new car.” I answered, “A candle.” He forgot he even bought me a candle so many years ago and because he talked to me the whole time he was at the dealership buying me the car I didn’t think it was much of a surprise!

The other question we missed was, “Name something Cyndi does too much of.” I answered, “wash”. He said, “talk.” Oh well, we cannot win them all.

The other questions?

If you were going to bring a sweet treat to you husband/ wife, what would it be?

Who would your husband marry if he could marry any celebrity?

My spouse is a great _____, but a horrible ______.

My husband is a natural born ______.

My wife is a natural born _______.

Who is the better cook between the two of you?

Where was your first date?

How much did you spend?

If there was a fire I would grab_____. My spouse would grab _____.

You get the idea. It was a great reminder of our connection. We always are aware of our love for one another and do not take it for granted but this was a great way to show our children how connected and in love we are.  

 

 

Being Brave Anonymously

My sister in law asked me in December to write a piece for her new blog Live Braver.

She asked me to write about my weight loss journey, how I have inspired others and about my success despite the obstacles I have been presented with.

To be honest I have sat down many times to write about my weight loss. I can’t. My weight loss did not require bravery. It required discipline.

I have gone through difficult, horrible times in my life that did require bravery but writing about them puts my family in an awkward position.
For that reason I will not write about those things.

I would like to post something anonymously but something tells me that isn’t too brave. Hiding behind words on a computer screen while telling someone they too can overcome horrible situations isn’t brave, is it? Putting a name to a story shouldn’t matter. The story is what matters, right?

Happy Days are here again but without Fonz

I’ve been way for a while. I actually have 4 posts waiting to be completed. Is it writers block? Maybe? Maybe I need to go back to the way the posts were originally written. Today would be “Terrific Tuesday”…..

With that thought in mind I would like to share my new Facebook page again– Happy Days Challenge. The page focuses on being happy everyday through out the day. According to the 100 Happy Days Challenge site we cannot be happy more thank 20 days in a row. This site disappointed me though. If you challenge someone to be happy for 100 days shouldn’t you help them along the way rather than set them up for failure? Happy
Days Challenge helps you learn to see differently, HAPPYily. The focus is on teaching you how to be HAPPY and then executing it! Please check it out. I would love the followers. I would love your HAPPYness!

Timing

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My paternal grandfather……

When I look at him I see the backbone of our family. That’s probably what most think of when thinking of their grandfathers. I’m not sure. Coming from a divorced marriage where both parents remarried as well as grandparents who were divorced and remarried you can imagine the sets of grandparents I had! Seeing pictures of them as children or anywhere near the age I am at the time always amazes me.

Who were they really? Don’t get me wrong I knew my grandparents but only as a child. Only what they wanted me to know, so to speak.

Well as usual I begin my topic in one direction and head another.

I received this picture in the mail today.

My paternal grandmother passed away in July. She was my last remaining grandparent and had suffered from Alzheimer’s for some years. My paternal grandfather passed away many years ago.

As a child I would go to my PopPops bedroom. The picture above was framed on his dresser. He met my grandmother, in uniform at A Niagra Falls photo shop. He told her he was off to war and would return in 1 year to marry her. He did exactly that. She immigrated from Canada to the United States. They had 5 kids, Army brats. They lived all over the world. I would look at this picture, try to imagine what his deep blue eyes had seen. I knew he had a rough childhood. Is that why he joined the Army. I wondered if he looked like this before he went to war or after. I didn’t know what the rankings were or metals.

He was my hero. My protector.

Although in reality arthritis had set in and he could barely move at times, he was a recovering alcoholic and not as
my imagination made him to everyone else, he was that perfect to me. He was MY POP POP! We counted rail road cars together, visited friends at the dry cleaners, went to the hardware store, bbq’d, tinkered in his shop, worked in his office which was his enclosed garage. We just hung out.

I was extremely blessed with a relationship like this with most of my grandparents. By the grace of God!

When my grandmother passed my dad asked if there was anything I wanted from their home. I told him of the picture. He was unsure exactly which one. He said he would do what he could.

Months went by. At my brothers wedding last weekend my aunt brought an envelope to my dad with a special something she saved just for him, as the eldest son. As my dad opened the envelope I began to see my new spark of light that comes in my right eye. I knew who the light was and I knew what was in the package. ( my spark of light just flew by as I typed this). He opened it. I said “that’s the picture”.

My youngest brother was standing there. The one I least understand. My dad held the picture up to him. The resemblance is uncanny. Timing is everything. I got the message that I needed to be more understanding and I received the picture. Oh and I finally figured out who my new angel was! Blessings everywhere!!!!

Live Braver!

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The picture above was taken the Mothers Day before my in laws 3rd child was tragically taken to heaven.

Seeing this picture in our hallway on Christmas Eve of this year, my mother in law shared that little bit of information with my husband and I ( he is the first from the left). My mother in law is a woman somewhat “of few words”. She is very private. I will leave her story quite simply with my thought in respect to her— she has LIVED BRAVER. A strong female role model for her children. As mine has been for hers.

When I think of living braver my thoughts and memories immediately, almost selfishly, envelop me. My own personal story of living bravely. I will find a way to share it one day.

But this, this is about my sister in law, Lexlee Overton. The little girl in the picture. What is so complex about human emotions, our human brain, is one persons painful memory is another’s most glorious happiest of memories.

Recently writing a post on perception, the contrast of what my mother in law and sister in law see when they look at this one moment in time strongly stood out to me. But the similarity in the afterthought, if you will, is quite similar. It was the beginning of my mother in law living braver at a whole new level and for my sister in law it was “a reminder of being a young girl who loves openly and freely”, without fear. I’m sure to an extent the same goes for my mother in law when she looks at her precious children in this picture and was BRAVE enough to have 2 more beautiful children.

Stay with me, I do have a point.
My sister in law has created a wonderful website where we can share stories, find resources and support one another to help us Live Braver. Pleaseclick here to connect to the site.

Below I attached a small excerpt from livebraver.com.

I hope you visit the site.
Share your story!
Live Braver!

excerpt from livebraver.com
Live Braver is a resource for those seeking to step beyond the confines of fear, for those seeking a more inspiring, fulfilling, and rewarding life.

The ultimate goal: to help and to support each other in finding the courage to take steps towards a life we love.

What to expect: a community filled with people like you, who want to share their stories and to inspire others to bravely embrace their life purpose.

Be inspired

Be empowered

Be IN LOVE with your life

LIVE BRAVER.

Are you ready to Live Braver?
Live Braver is a resource for those seeking to step beyond the confines of fear, for those seeking a more inspiring, fulfilling, and rewarding life.

The ultimate goal: to help and to support each other in finding the courage to take steps towards a life we love.

What to expect: a community filled with people like you, who want to share their stories and to inspire others to bravely embrace their life purpose.

Be inspired

Be empowered

Be IN LOVE with your life

LIVE BRAVER.

Are you ready to Live Braver?