Thoughtful Thursday

Today, Thoughtful Thursday, has me perplexed.

In reading a quote written by one of my favorite authors of all time, Marianne Williamson, I felt a swift kick in the gut. I’ve often read her quotes and only one of her many books, A Return To Love. I read A Return To Love when I was 21 getting my degrees in Psychology and English and soul searching. A Return To Love saved my soul, gave me focus and hope, it changed my being. I hold that book as a prized possession. I remember buying it like it was yesterday.

One of her famous quotes from the book is:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

I’ve always seen her words as uplifting, guiding and comforting. Full of peace. Full of love. Reading the following quote:

“The solution to low self-esteem is to get over yourself and get a higher purpose.” ~Marianne Williamson


made me many things. First, angry. Second, pray. Third, pray, again. Fourth, do some soul searching.

So in essence low self esteem is actually the opposite? I don’t have a higher purpose because I have low self esteem? I needed help so I typed in the quote as an Internet search. Not surprisingly this quote has a lot of negative comments attached to it in various locations. The more I read, the more I understood. Maybe she means something along the lines of this—When we dwell on our own shortcomings it gets us nowhere — when we find a higher cause or purpose, or feel useful in the world, it pulls us out of our problems, gives us a different outlook.

If you see if from the standpoint of the grass is always greener…..

Or if you have curly hair you want straight.

You have thin legs – you want muscular and vice versa.

Worrying about things you cannot control get us no where.

Here’s a quick random fact. Up until this summer I had not worn shorts out of the house in 8 years. In recent years I hadn’t worn them at all. . Fat or not. This summer I had to consciously decide to wear short and not wear sweat or jeans every day. Some days I’ve cried leaving the house with shorts on because I’m so insecure about my legs. I tell myself “you weigh 137, wear a size 4-6 or small– get over it! Wear the shorts!” As stated above, it has been hard. Handsome hubby says “you know you look good, you must, because you are wearing shorts”. I tried to explain to him the internal struggle I deal with. But unless you deal with the same type of insecurity you can’t understand.

There are dimples. There is jiggling. I’m sure there is cellulite in the back where I can’t see. All I can do is diet and exercise. If I don’t then I’m to blame. If I do then I know I’m working on it.

Do you deal with insecurities? How do you deal with them? Do you feel you should get over yourself and find a higher purpose?

I believe we all need to seek a higher purpose whether we have low self esteem or not. Our reason for being is —-well—- our reason for being.

Thanks for reading my rambling.
Happy Thursday!

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