Mommy Monday – July 8, 2013

Good Monday!

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The caption to the picture above says it all! I’m quite sure many, if not all, of you can relate. Our guardian angels do just that— they guard. But guards can’t hold back everything. My guess is they hope we learn from experience. Be it our own or others. I can see mine shaking their heads at me at times. I feel like they have round table discussions. “What are we going to do with her?” “When is she going to learn?” “Oh, that was a close one”. “Why is she doing that if she feels something different?” I imagine stuff like that being said. Now believe me, if given the chance I would state my case. But I can’t and probably shouldn’t. You see, I learned many years ago about being authentic. Not saying I practiced it, just learned about it. A few years back I decided it was time. Time to stop putting on a happy face. Stop fake friendships. Stop leaving a friend or relative only to talk bad about them. Well, lets just say its been a hard road and there aren’t as many people in my life. The people in my life, however, are there because we chose each other.

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Dr. Seuss was a wise man. I wish I had known him. His quote in the picture above is kind of a mantra of mine. Everyone should have a mantra. I have many. His words are the truth. Read them. Let the authenticity of them soak in. If you aren’t true to yourself then what kind of life are you leading?

My daughter was looking at wedding pictures a few weeks ago. She is 13. I divorced her dad when she was 9. She and her brother were completely surprised because I always lived with a fake smile. They truly thought mommy was happy. I was miserable. Today she told me she looked at the pictures at her fathers house. She said “Mom you were miserable. I could see it all over your face.” She couldn’t before. She didn’t known the difference. That was a huge moment for me. Her knowing the difference. Knowing a happy mom and authentic mom was an important factor in my decision to divorce. I didn’t want them to later know I lived a lie their whole childhood. I didn’t want them to think that was normal or expected. For that reason we are REAL in our house. We tell it like it is. Respectfully, honestly and authentically.

How can we be authentic?

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Aligning what we think, say and do creates harmony, ultimately happiness and authenticity. This is much more difficult than it seems.

A good way to start would be to talk about what matters to you. Write about what you think is most important. Act in ways that feel the most authentic to who you are and who you want to be.

Everyone has days that feel completely and utterly draining. But if we can find ways to stay authentic during these times we are growing. ( I say we because I’m talking to myself here as we’ll!) I’ve decided in these moments to STOP. I’m not sure if I will succeed at this but having a plan is better than not.
So I will stop, think of 3 things I’m thankful for and write them down. Yes, write them. This is key. It makes them real. You can try to recite them in a pinch but writing takes your brain to another place. I can recite and still be thinking of what I was angry about. Truth be told, I can write and do the same. Writing makes them more “real” to me. Give yourself permission to go back to being mad after you’ve stopped and have written what you are thankful for. I then am going to write 3 things that I could have done to change the situation, can do to better the situation or should have done to avoid the situation whatever the circumstances may be. Then if I want I can wallow in my anger.

A major influence on my life is unfortunately what other think. Yep, I admit it. So I’m adding another mantra.

When we reject others’ expectations and make choices about our actions that are in accordance with our own deepest values and goals, we make the world and ourselves more whole.

Im assuming living totally authentic takes time, and it is an art. It’s definitely worth the time.

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I want to close with this. If you have someone willing to be authentic with you. Someone who has chosen the road less traveled so to speak don’t take this for granted. Respect it. Respect them. They are showing you their soul. Up until this morning I had a different view of this all together but my guardian angel tapped me on the shoulder, whispered in my ear and I listened. What I thought was at certain times people were selfish, were opinionated, or maybe didn’t like me. What I learned this morning meditating before writing this post is maybe they have found their authentic self. Maybe not? It’s not for me to figure out really. I just know if I expect people to accept me for me then I should do the same.

Now there will be time when I want to serve up a tall glass of chateau d’hellup like I wanted to last Thursday but I doubt I will. You see, the more I try to improve myself the more understanding I become of others. I think that’s the point? What do you think?

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